My People, Greetings from somewhere far and expensive.
By DOCTOR STOP IT
After showing your treacherous tendencies in ousting Gushungo in a military takeover, I am sure you have now sobered up to the painful reality that your problems will continue forever.
Poverty, no cash, no clean water, sewage flowing in your streets, and children of poor people re-taking examinations for Ordinary Levels, while those of the rich and powerful like some of us take serious examinations from Cambridge, home of our former colonial master, Great Britain.
Some, like ourselves then proceed to send our children to foreign universities where recreational activities can include taking drugs in the company of models, also known as prostitutes.
Back to the issue of your treacherous behaviour, The Bobster could be gone, but most of the people that helped him run the country down remain and are prosperous gentlemen and ladies.
The “coup not coup” that took place is still very confusing to quite a number of people.
There are many who opine that it was a coup. The only problem with that, others counter, is that Dr Shenanigans would be the first soldier in history to lead a coup that installed him as the vice-president.
A few other so-called great thinkers suggest that actually Dr Shenanigans is the real boss and appointing Lizard Ngwena was a way of sanitising the “coup not coup” and that when he decides, he will take over his prize for removing Robert Mugabe.
Ever wondered why even when Lizard Ngwena visits Tsvangson at his house, Dr Shenanigans is there to watch over and supervise the process and even take notes.
Check out his conduct when he welcomes Lizard Ngwena from foreign trips, hand on his hip and Dead BC for once captured it nicely. We hope all those reports in the media which are usually true, about the emergence of two centres of power are not true this time.
Confusion such as which senior police and intelligence officers should be retired among conflicting statements of how many should be or have been retired.
We will try and be patriotic and not mention the chaos in Mashonaland Central at Siyalima Farm where there were landing issues for a helicopter bearing a huge lizard.
Movement for Democratic Confusion!
I am sure the story of the week was the well-timed implosion that took place in that collective mess known as the MDC in its various forms, particularly the Tsvangirai formation.
The political party was named after Morgan Tsvangirai which is a first for him, the other being the dubious distinction of having been duped by Gushungo — the political grandmaster — into being the world’s first ceremonial prime minister.
Back to the confusion in the opposition nonsense, I am sure you all know the fights that have been taking place in the opposition political party.
Like Gushungo, Tsvangson failed to manage or interfered with the succession plan in the party.
Just like the “Mugabe shall rule from the grave” mantra that the Gushungo 40 cabal was beginning to push for, we are seeing people in the MDC going on pilgrimages to get signatures from a bedridden Tsvangirai, or assurances that they are “the leadership of the people”.
Those with direct access to him, as was the case with Gushaz are simply issuing statements on his behalf.
Tsvangirai’s problem, which is a national but primitive disposition is that a woman, in this case Thokozani Khupe, or a person from Matebeleland, should not rise to the highest positions in different organisations. The best they should aspire to be, according to that philosophy is to be a deputy.
Tsvangirai took that thinking a step further by appointing his homeboys to positions that effectively derailed Khupe’s aspirations as the party’s next leader.
But again, the main issue affecting that party is that from its formative stage, it was formed by Zanu PF rejects or people who had been frustrated out of our party and hence carry the party’s DNA.
They also love Zanu PF women and men.
But have you ever wondered why some of the leaders seem to lose their minds at critical times?
It has been said that the answer to that is because they are paid to be as disruptive as possible.
It all started with that well-choreographed visit to Tsvangson that exposed him to the world and his supporters as incapable of leading the party for health reasons.
Of course, the excitable deployees around Tsvangson played a very helpful hand in parading him in his morning shoes as they would benefit from the spoils.
The plan to destabilise the MDC moved into second gear as expected, with the three vice-presidents trying to out do each other.
The circus has just rolled into town and the clowns are ready to enter the arena.
New Patriotic Front
So the thinking is that after Joice met Gushungo, something scary is about to happen which has set the military junta quacking in their boots.
Mapfupa amdhara achamuka. (The bones of the old man shall rise.)
Munhuwese kuna Amai!
Dr Amai Stopit! (Fake PhD) Standard